Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize