last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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