im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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