This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
