you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You took a bar mat shot.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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