omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
