You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
