I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
