So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
