I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
