Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
