u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
