phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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