My room smells like vodka and shame
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
