after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
