All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
