His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
