Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
