The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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