I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
