at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
