I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
