i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
