gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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