i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
