So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
