Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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