I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
