i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
