Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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