yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
