i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
