I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
where are you?
Hypothermia
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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