id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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