You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
