I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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