His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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