i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
