you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
