I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
