I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
