I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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