I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
