When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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