batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
