i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
