Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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