Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
