Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
