I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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