She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
two words: eviction party
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
