Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
