I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
