I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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