the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am naked and annoyed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
