i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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