Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
