We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
