We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
