that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's shark week go big or go home
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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