Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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