I accidentally had phone sex last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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