Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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