It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
