Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
