how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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