The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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