:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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