I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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