The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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