he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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