You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
should my penis look like a turkey
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
