I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
