We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
